Bad Decisions, Good Friends, and Really Ugly Hair, Part 2

Posted by jon on April 23, 2009 in family and friends |

Last time on God is Everywhere…

Jon: “This is a bad idea isn’t it?”
Tiff: “Yep. We doing it? I wanna go to bed.”
Jon: “Yeah…(time elapses)…Oh no! Its bad!”
Tiff: “I’m going to bed.”

And so there I was, I looked like an esoteric characiture of myself. Perhaps if I had invested in bureau and a long cigarette and started talking with some strange accent I could have pulled it off, but I did the first thing anyone in my situation would have done. I put on a sock hat and tucked as much of my hair out of sight as possible. Now with Tiff sleeping it was up to me to formulate a plan that would result in the restoration of at least a presentable appearance. So as the clock inched towards midnight I prepared to travel to the only place of refuge for those of my ilk, Wal-Mart. As I went to my car I wondered how often they see folks, hair hidden, purchasing hair dye at one in the morning? Perhaps that is where the original idea for the 24 hour service came from, maybe. It seems as likely as anything else.

Luckily for me I would not have to make my Wal-Mart run-of-shame alone. I called my good friends the Rainers, knowing they may be the only people I know who would not kill me for calling so late (Will for one definitely hold a grudge against those who would dare call at such an hour), and they did not disappoint. Of course upon arrival I had to endure the obligatory initial mockery (you would have done it too), but all in all they spared my feeling for the most part, and they thankfully obtained from taking any pictures though that was likely do more to the threats of death than any good nature on Rainer’s part. Beka rode out to Wally World with me and we discussed our plan. It was simple, just get something basic to try and get me back to work the next day.

We came to consensus on a brand and color and we made our purchase. Once we got back to their house Bekah broke out the directions (I know those are usually the first to go but desperate times call for desperate measures) and I prepped the bathroom for the coming color war. Other than the fact the hair dye specifically instructed that it not be used on washed, wet or recently dyed or highlighted hair, and my hair qualified as all three of those we felt no trepidation what so ever. Except, of course, for that nagging feeling that multiple dyings could make my hair fall out all together, but other than that we were confident this would work. Except the confident part…and the part where we thought it would work. So we did the deed, and waited the allotted time.

After washing and drying my hair, it was by the most basic definition a success. My hair was a shade of brown and it was passable enough for me to be seen in public for now. We apparently didn’t select a dark enough shade of brown so I was sporting brown hair with dark brown roots which in and of itself wouldn’t have been so bad but the contrast was exacerbated when I pulled my hair back in a ponytail. There’s nothing quite as attractive as that line of demarcation running just an inch past my hairline.

Then, having done the best we could, we called it a night and I went in to work the next day committed to keeping a low profile and not talking about my “situation”. Of course by lunch time 3 people had asked if I had done something to my hair with that expression usually reserved for seeing a dying animal on the side of the road. And it took my students at LDBC less than 2 minutes to notice and begin a stream of questions about my new look. So much for a low profile. I was outed. I had no choice but to embrace my own stupidity and wear it like a badge of honor. It was my stupidity and I had earned it.

In the end our patch job got me through. I waited about 2 weeks to give my hair time before dying it again with a darker shade of brown. It took 2 weeks, $30+ worth of dye, a little ridicule and a lot of embarrassment to get me back to where I essentially started out from, but I did learn something. I learned that the best of friends will laugh at you when you look like a Bugs Bunny character, but they’ll do it standing with you at Wal-Mart well after midnight. Your wife may go to bed and wash her hands of the whole thing but she’ll also assure you that it isn’t that bad (whether she believes it or not) and ultimately she’ll help you fix it in the end. And above all I learned that today’s world-crushing, life-ending, never-leaving-the-house-again moments will be tomorrow’s fodder for another self-indulgent blog post. So, don’t forget to laugh at the dumb things you do and know that greater things are always at work and you just might find that God is indeed everywhere.


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