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By the Way, I Got Hit By a Car

Posted by jon on September 16, 2009 in family and friends, not so deep thoughts |

It was one of those days where by the end, if a cow knocked on my front door I wouldn’t have been too terribly surprised. Alas, perhaps I should start at the start.

I woke up with an awful pain in my chest from all the congestion. I hurt bad enough to go to the doctor, which for me is quite a statement. After my meeting with Superman (my doctor’s name is Chris Reaves, always get a kick out of that) he told me I had bronchitis, which for all I knew meant I had a long-necked dinosaur was standing on my chest (that would at least describe the feeling I had). By the way, a free tidbit, bronchitis has nothing to do with any type of dinosaur, and is in fact an infection with a sore throat, so there you go, I’m here to inform. I got my prescription and took it to the Kroger pharmacy, like you do.

krogerSeveral hours later I returned to Kroger to retrieve my drugs and head home to enjoy a pharmaceutic comma. I walked up to the Star Trek doors and they did not open. Stunned, I stepped back and approached them again. Then I look up into the sensor, waived my hand, and like a moron stepped back and approached a third time. Sadly no progress could be made. I look to the left and the door was open so I moved to my alternate gateway only to be stopped by a dutiful Kroger worker. She informed me she had been stationed in the doorway to turn back would be shoppers because Kroger was closed.

Closed?!? You’re 24hours, and its 7:30pm. Not only is that well within the 24 hour time frame but it is a prime time for shopping. How could they be closed? I felt abandoned. Kroger was always there. When I needed milk at 2am, when I had those midnight sweet attacks, or needed early morning breakfast Kroger was always there. Now, however, one of my most trusted had forsaken me. I was sick, cold, and alone. I felt empty inside, and could hear REM’s “Everybody Hurts” playing in the background. It was the moment the last of my innocents died.

My grief was so great it eclipsed in my memory what happened next. Just before I got back to my truck the car parked next to be began to back out of their parking place. Obviously they were quite as distraught as I was because they didn’t even notice that I was behind them as them pulled out. There was a split second where I saw them and as their car first touched my leg I realized at that moment I was in the process of being run over. I immediately jumped up and found myself sitting on their trunk and I proceeded to do what any other sane person would do. I pounded on their trunk till they stopped. And just as quickly as it had happened I got off their car, they hissed a half-hearted apology and were gone.

On this most unusual of days, getting hit by a car was nowhere near as interesting as my Kroger situation, so I got in the truck and headed home. I called several folks on the way home and by my second call I had completely forgotten about the car as we became so engrossed in Kroger’s abandonment of our community. You know the worst part was after being hit by a car, I couldn’t even go into Kroger and get something for my nerves! Alas, I guess God is everywhere.

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